How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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