I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
the liver wants what the liver wants
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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