My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
