On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What a fucking waste of an outfit
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
