im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize