i just wanna soil my oats bro
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
