I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
P.S. I can't hear my feet
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
