I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
and she was petting her beer can
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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