WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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