I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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