Are we in a gay sports bar?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
