Have you finally orgasmed yet?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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