Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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