Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
