i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
