Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
