I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
