I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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