I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
