I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
