its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
