Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
