After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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