He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
