I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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