One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
