At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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