Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
