Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
