He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
