Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
