thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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