so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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