If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
