Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The power of my boobs compel you
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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