My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
where does the pee come out of this thing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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