I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
