he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
