Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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