nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
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