you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
