just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
