Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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