i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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