Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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