hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
