who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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