i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
