he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
