i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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