i don't plan on having that self control this summer
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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