I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize