I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
