Your tits are I can't wait for
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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