I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
