Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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