I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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