Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
