at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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