we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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