Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
