dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
my shit smells like andre
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
