I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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