So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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