I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
