The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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