Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
