You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
