I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
