I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
